he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
