dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
