Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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