You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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