3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
