I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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