Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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