a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
