Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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