I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
