dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
