Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
