Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
