very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
