so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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