Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
