Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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