Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
