so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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