You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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