i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
