garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
