i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sext me about skeletons
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
