i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
