Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
