Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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