I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
