Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
