I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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