Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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