I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
