Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
