I wanna passion pit in your ass
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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