i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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