come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
