dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
