I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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