just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
