her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
