That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
