Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
