So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
