actually, I'm a sock model
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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