I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
