Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
