I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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