We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
