You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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