Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
