If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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