Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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