I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
