So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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