Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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