We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
